Collector

"The collector is a collector of rarities. A collection is a collection of (homogeneous) something wonderful."
/ Big Explanatory Phraseological Dictionary of Michelson /

Once Earl of Toulouse with Lautrec
We decided to have a feast forever.
Lautrec - worked, Toulouse - booze,
And the two of them applauded!

I will say this: we are all collectors!
Go to the neighbors. And what will you see there? Sideboard, lined with crystal and porcelain. Open the drawer in the kitchen. And what will you see there? Elastic bands, corks, covers, bags, and ... last year’s ribbon from a bouquet of flowers presented by an old family friend ...
I'm not talking about family albums anymore, I’m silent about boxes filled with shiny and translucent things, not a word about the closets packed tightly with clothes and shoes ...
In fact, each house is a small museum with its own personal collection. They collect everything - labels, candy wrappers, stamps, furniture, painting (these would be more likely!), Manuscripts, books, clothes, money (this would be less) ... and so on and so on. Yes, I myself did it in my time, until I was told that I did not have a collection, but ...
“Give it to your son,” they said, “let him play around.”
There is in Kiev a handsome man collecting hammers! Collection exceeds 3000 units of storage. Of these, less than half are disassembled, classified and marked by authorship. The rest is waiting in the wings. I asked the collector: would it be correct to use the words "taken apart, classified"? He picked up the phone, dialed the number, waited a long time, then asked the respondent to call the distinguished spouse and, when the distinguished one entered the conversation, he longed for him all sorts of benefits and apologized for the trouble. Then he asked for a long time about the latest discoveries, was delighted with the answers and, asking about the state of all kinds of distinguished granddaughters, finally forwarded my question. I listened to the answer for a long time, nodding my head, once again apologized for the anxiety, wished many years and pressed "hang up".
Then he sat in front of me on the sofa, raised his index finger and said: "kartofrigatsiya!" Or "mapping" or "cataloging". Write easier: cataloging! And let the scientists of the museum funds correct us.
I will refrain from comments. I am not an expert in this mighty business.
Further.
The collector dreams of a museum in which all his wealth can be put on display to people. In the meantime ... For now, all these metal-wooden-stone rarities lie in boxes, stand on shelves and racks, hang on walls, "hang out" on their feet on the floor and surprise with their variety of friends and guests of the collection owner.
The name is a collector of hammers Dima, by the name of Feldman. Dmitry Semenovich Feldman. Cheerful, sociable and hospitable person.
If you want to talk with him about something of your own, then it’s better to keep the hammers silent, since Dima can talk about his collection for days, weeks and years. Unfortunately, neither Dima nor the guests have the luxury of domestic time - we all hurry to live, survive and live. Therefore, having met, we are talking about anything. For example, about cactuses, or images of clowns (sculptural and drawing), about collection wines, about stones (and about many other things, for example, coasters!) - Dima also collects all this. Communicating about a lot of things, you have time to insert your opinion, which, as a rule, does not agree with the opinion of Dima. And then there is a discussion! The discussion can be interrupted, the topic "Hammer" can not be interrupted!
The main theme of this life - hammers! Dima has his own theory of determining the subject of his collection. It sounds like this: a hammer is a hand tool that is designed to strike and which has a handle and a shock part.
Simple and clear! Do not you, ladies and gentlemen, fellow citizens ?!
And this is not a desire for special originality, it is a conscious need, since "I affirm that not a single word can be removed in this definition and cannot be added" (D.S. Feldman).
Simple and clear! Do not you, ladies and gentlemen, fellow citizens ?!
Once Dima came to my studio straight from work. He was tired of the long day of hard work and endless running around the objects. Naturally it was not a tailcoat and not a butterfly, but what they do the above. But I have long wanted to make up his portrait and it did not matter to me what was under the face, the main thing was the eyes and their expression. (Just do not need! About the sadness of the entire Jewish people ...)
Dima sat down in my desk chair and I began to transfer his tired and anxious face to the canvas. Wisdom shone in his eyes, skepticism and irony lurked in the corners of his lips, and on the whole his face expressed confidence that life was worth living, it was interesting to live, but ... sadly slightly, a lot of fuss and bustle. The beautiful face of a beautiful person inside and out. Such faces (there are few of them, but, thank God, there are) they ask for themselves on the canvas, themselves outline the contour, mix the colors themselves, model the form themselves and apply the final touch themselves. From the artist is required only one thing - do not interfere with the process.
Having finished the portrait, I called Dima and invited me to the mini-opening day. Dima looked at the canvas for a long time. Asked to make coffee. Asked not to smoke. Asked to show other work. Asked to make coffee. He remembered and told a story from his former life.
I asked: "What about the portrait?"
Dima answered:
- Firstly, I’m a sad one, and I’m basically cheerful.
- Secondly, that you could not make the jacket more attractive to me to make up ?!
- And why a cap ?! Am I bald ?!
What could I answer?
What am I - realist kondovy that I paint what I see? What if something, then could come to pose in a different outfit? ...
But I said nothing. Let descendants judge us. If, of course, the portrait of Dmitry Semenovich "will live" to them. Or it may happen that I make up another portrait of Dima - cheerful, cheerful, and certainly among the exhibits of his amazing collections of hammers, clowns, cacti and others.
Yes, I remembered, Dmitry Semenovich has one cherished and concealed dream - to get the Hammer of Hammers - the one that many centuries have confirmed the death of the Pope of Rome. With this silver hammer the cardinals strike the deceased Pope’s forehead and declare: “The Pope is dead.”
So, I appeal to everyone who has a connection with the Vatican: "Dear having a connection, be so kind as to contribute to the receipt of this hammer dear collector!" Will the Vatican lose it? They will easily build another one, and then they will be proud that a part of their inventory has fallen into the wonderful Collection of D.S. Feldman's Hammers.
Glory to collectors! To collectors and custodians of the rubbish that was unnecessary yesterday and today, which then (or their descendants) are then bought by the best museums in the world!